The Jersey Mike's in Newark Airport
The deal with airport food, explained.
It’s about time I reviewed Jersey Mike’s. It’s got Jersey in the name, it’s got that popular ad campaign featuring America’s sweetheart Danny DeVito, and they sell Italian subs - or at least they claim to. A place like this is just begging for a thrashing from Jersey Boy Eats.
As a rule, I do not eat at Italian-themed chain restaurants. Olive Garden? Gag me with a spoon. S’barro? Get the S’fuck outta here! Jersey Mike’s? Well, right off the bat, I’ll acknowledge that the thought of it doesn’t immediately raise my blood pressure in anger as much as the previous two. Maybe it’s because they don’t push the Italian thing too hard, they’re more just a deli that sells Italian subs. But it does raise some serious questions, like is this establishment doing us a huge disservice by putting the “Jersey” badge on a deli of dubious quality, thus soiling our good name in different states across the US? Because trust me, our name is already soiled enough.
Like I said, I wouldn’t normally eat at chain like this. But it was the tail end of the holiday season, I was flying back to Los Angeles out of Newark Airport, and I was hungry.
For as long as I can remember, Newark Airport has been widely regarded as one of the absolute worst, most bottom of the barrel shithole airports in the entire United States. I’m sorry, but it’s true. This place is godawful in terms of interior design, cleanliness, and friendliness of staff. Jersey people are not known for their friendliness. But Newark airport employees truly take the cake as some of the most angry, spiteful, mean-spirted individuals you will ever encounter.
I mean, they work at Newark Airport. What can you expect?
Well, dear readers, I have some breaking news to report. Newark Airport has changed. And for the better! Terminal A is now a truly fantastic modern space featuring fancy new architecture, public art installations, a whole lot of glass, and even some lovely planter boxes (though I cannot tell you for sure whether the plants are real or not).
It’s the result of a project has been in the works for years. Finally completed in 2022, the rennovations allegedly cost the good citizens of NJ $2.7 billion. But let me tell ya, the cost is worth it, because for the first time in the history of the world, Newark Airport is actually a pleasant place to fly.
Well, at least Terminal A is. I cannot vouch for the other terminals. In fact, I can almost certainly assure you they are still as awful as ever. But apparently, Terminal B is about to get an overhaul as well.
As part of the development project in Terminal A, a whole bunch of new restaurants opened up. And it makes sense they let Jersey Mike’s slide in. What better franchise to greet travelers from all over the country than an Italian deli with Jersey in the name? It doesn’t take a genius to know how that pitch meeting went.
But what if it sucks? What if all those travelers from all those states think they’re getting a real Italian sub and it turns out to be terrible and they go the rest of their life thinking all Italian subs from Jersey are terrible!? These are the kinds of questions that keep me up at night.
Determined to find out, I got in line.
Obviously, I went for “The Original Italian,” which comes with provolone, ham, prosciutto, cappacola (notoriously pronounced “gabbagool”), salami, and pepperoni. Traditionally, you dress this sandwich with lettuce, tomato, onions, a little salt and pepper, oregano, oil & vinegar (absolutely no mayo allowed) and the optional banana peppers (if you like spice, which I do). This sandwich costs $9.75 for a half and $12.50 for a whole sub, which is actually a fair deal. And I mean a fair deal outside of the airport. Inside the airport, where a cruddy hamburger routinely costs $25, this amounts to an absolute steal.
I ordered the whole, figuring I could shove at least half in a backpack to snack on during the flight.
After placing my order, I spotted something on the menu I hadn’t previously noticed.
That’s right, they sell Taylor ham, egg and cheese breakfast sandwiches. And they’re only 7 bucks! This has got to be the single greatest culinary innovation at an airport in the history of aviation since the Bendix Diner opened up like 100 years ago.
For more on the legendary Bendix Diner, which also has an aviation tie-in, check out my review and hear the story of my great grandfather’s last meal.
Back to Taylor Ham… there is one major complaint to register. The fact that they call it “pork roll.” Only South Jersey schmucks call it pork roll. With this aggressively South Jersey lingo, Jersey Mike’s has clearly drawn a line in the sand, fanning the flames of the Taylor Ham/Pork Roll wars. Newark, which is in North Jersey, is obviously in Taylor Ham territory, so this effrontery amounts to a blatant slap in the face. I’m sure I’m not the only one who got their blood boiled from this decision.
But just the fact that you can get one of these legendary breakfast sandwiches in the airport is a major cause for celebration. And for just $7? At the airport, that’s typically the price of a single cheese cube (sorry pal, the toothpicks extra!).
While I was inwardly celebrating this amazing development, the 10-year-old boy in front of me exclaimed with great enthusiasm, “Dad, look at that! You can get Taylor Ham at the airport!” My inner child felt validated by this comment.
A few minutes later, my Italian sub showed on up on the counter wrapped simply in white deli paper, slid inside a traditional brown paper sleeve. It’s a nice touch and avoid plastic, which is one way to win my heart.
By the time I paid, I was about to miss my flight, so I dashed over to the gate and boarded my plane to beautiful Los Angeles. But not before stealing a bag of chips on my way out. Hey, it’s a corporation, stealing is ethical! ;)
Once we reached cruising altitude, I unwrapped my sub to discover whether Jersey Mike’s is halfway decent or an absolute abomination.
First impression: actually, not bad. Not bad at all. The first thing I noticed was the substantial serving of meats. A real Italian sub is absolutely packed with meats. I’m talking at 1.5 to 2 inches of that dank Italian cured stuff.
This sando from Jersey Mike’s is packing at least a full inch, which to be honest is more than I expected from a chain. But how does it taste?
It tastes… pretty darn good. The quality of the meats is definitely better than most chain sandwich joints. I cannot say it compares to a real authentic Italian deli. But the portions beat out the skimpy Lanza Brothers in LA.
Compared to a chain like Subway or Quiznos, which is a more apples to apples comparison, Jersey Mikes blows them out of the water.
But there is one thing that is definitely bad about this sub. And that is the bread. This bread looks good, like it’s got some parmesan cheese melted on top or something, but it is dry and stale af. Which is a bummer, because it brings down a sandwich that otherwise exceeds expectations.
In terms of portions, I could only finish half, leaving me basically a whole other meal to be consumed on the other side of the country. Together, all of these qualities put me in a very good mood. Usually, airport food does the exact opposite. So I guess we found a winner, folks!
Then I touched down in Los Angeles and everything immediately went to shit. The entire city burnt down, the air is toxic, the water might be too, and within a week of moving to my new apartment, a gang of tweakers slashed all of our tires, because apparently we live in a Parable of the Sower timeline. But that’s a story for another time. The world is a dark enough place, so let’s end things a happy note, shall we?
FINAL THOUGHTS
All things considered, the Jersey Mike’s at Newark airport is an absolutely solid option. Will it blow your mind with greatness? No. But considering the decent quality, the price, and the fact that we are in an airport, where everything is either horrible or completely overpriced, I was very pleased with this option. The one downside is definitely the bread. I’m not sure if that’s specific to this airport franchise or all Jersey Mike’s. And they definitely earn bonus points for offering Taylor Ham, egg & cheese for $7. But their bonus points are hereby revoked for calling it Pork Roll.
EAST COAST: 7
WEST COAST: 8.5
If you're new to the blog, don’t forget to read up on my patented East Coast/West Coast dual rating system. See ya next time!
