Scolari's Good Eats
I finally found a Taylor Ham, Egg & Cheese in CA! But is it any good?
When I first started writing this blog, a friend of mine who lives in Oakland but grew up with me in my hometown, Ringwood, NJ, told me I needed to try Scolari’s Good Eats in Alameda. That’s because Scolari’s makes a Taylor ham, egg and cheese sandwich, which I’m sure you know by now is a New Jersey speciality that I am extremely fond of but can never find in California. I’ve written about it many times, including here.
Well, I’m back in Oakland for a couple weeks and I finally made it over to Scolari’s. And I have some thoughts.
The first thing you need to know is that Scolari’s is not a breakfast joint. They don’t open until 11:30am. They are open 7 days a week, and offer late night grub until 11pm on weekends. I appreciate this, as the lack of late night food options in Oakland is one of my biggest problemos with The Town. Friends of mine are probably tired of my constant complaining about how early this city shuts down. But it’s a real problem and someone needs to talk about it.
You’ll be at the bar at 11pm on a Saturday night, the place is packed, money is flying in through the windows, then outta nowhere the lights come on, the music goes off, and the bouncer starts shouting “GET THE FUCK OUT!” on top of his lungs.
What is this, Cleveland, Ohio? Oakland bar owners: do you hate money? Or are you just lazy and unwilling pay your staff enough to let the customers have a good time for once in their life? Because I know for a fact the liquor laws let you sell booze til 2am. So what’s your excuse?
We the people want to drink! And we want to do it all night! Jesus H. Christ, whose baby do I need to shake to get this message across…
Same thing goes for food. You want to eat something after 8pm? Good luck buddy. Where I live, your options are either Porno Palace (Dan Sung Sa), which is actually a very good option unless you’re not in the mood for Korean, or Taco Bell. That’s it.
Where I come from, the bars close at 4am and the diners don’t close at all, not even on Christmas.
Scolari’s, which was started by a Jersey guy, does a good job holding it down in the late night department. Gotta resect that east coast work ethic.
The next thing you notice about Scolari’s is this place is tiny. It has barely enough room to stand inside and order. Longtime readers know I’m a sucker for a good hole in the wall. I didn’t really need to look at their menu, as I came here for one thing and one thing only. But some friends joined us for lunch, so between the four of us, we got a good sampling of what Scolari’s has to offer.
I obviously ordered the Taylor ham, egg & cheese (from here on out referred to as a TEC). It comes with all the classic ingredients, but I can tell it’s been Californified. Lunchified, if you will. First off, $14? You gotta be kidding me. Where I’m from, we pay $7 max (and it comes with two eggs, not one).
They put it on a Challah bun, which is not traditional, but I don’t hate this. We Italians love our Jewish kinfolk, especially that insanely soft bread they make. But let’s be clear, this is a “gourmet” option that was clearly added to fool the Mom’s from Marin into thinking this isn’t a down and dirty working-person’s breakfast.
My sweetie ordered the Blueberry Bacon Bleu Cheese Au Poivre ($19), which is way too many words to describe a burger. And the French? Please. This is only serves to fool people into thinking it’s fancier than it is. But we are in the Bay Area, and to survive in this techno dystopia, sacrifices must be made.
Our two friends ordered another TEC and a Street Dog ($11).
Embracing the fact that I’m out to lunch, not breakfast, we also opted for the Garlic Scampi Fries ($14) and the Fried Pickles, which I don’t see on the menu. Maybe it was a special or something.
While placing my order, I noticed something exciting.
That’s right folks, this is a completely local soda fountain company! As a lover of fizzy beverages but a hater of destructive unethical corporations like Coca Cola (though I’m admittedly addicted to Diet Coke), a locally-owned soda company is music to my tongue.
Alas, they were out of Root Beer, my favorite flavor. I went for Cherry instead which turned out to be an excellent choice. Next time you’re in Alameda, check out Alameda Soda, they’ve got a bunch of cute Bay Area-themed flavors like Cable Car Lemon-Lime and Golden Gate Orange.
Back to Scolari’s: our food came out rapidly and I could only hold my crew back for about 30 seconds to take pictures before they began chowing down aggressively.
Right out the gate I’ll say this: the TEC did not disappoint. The Taylor Ham was thick-cut with those classic wedge-shaped cutouts I remember from back home. American cheese was gooping out the sides in a bawdy display of excess. The egg was perfectly cooked over-easy, the yolk runny, with copious amounts of saltpepperketchup (that’s not a type, we just pronounce it as one word), which I was pleased to see comes on the sandwich by default.
The Challah Bun is actually a really nice choice for this menu item. The softness of the bread soaks up all the egg yolk in a pleasing way. We should try this back in Jersey, someone take note.
After getting about 3/4 of the way through, I kind of hit a wall, which was surprising. But this sandwich has four super-thick slices of Taylor Ham (the Jersey standard is two, sometimes three, but never four). Seems like they beefed it to make it fit alongside the burgers and fried chicken sandos on the lunch menu.
Speaking of burgers, get a load of this monstrosity.
The blueberry blah blah blah burger came out looking absolutely insane. I don’t review burgers (expect last week for Long Beach’s famous Chowder Burger!), but the reports were very positive on this one. Something about the sweetness of the blueberry sauce balancing out the salty/savory patty just works really well. For $19, you’re definitely getting your money’s worth here.
Next was the hot dog which similarly looks fantastic.
Hot dogs are another thing I don’t review since they’re so ubiquitous, with regional styles across the country, and I don’t think the east coast does them best (although we did invent them in Coney Island). But I’m thinking more and more that I should write something about the San Francisco classic that is the late-night bacon-wrapped hot dog you get outside of the stadium or nightclub in The City.
As you can tell, this is sort of a Jersey take on a Bay Area classic, and they knocked it out of the park. To us east coasters, $11 for a hot dog sounds like a lot. Our main relationship to hot dogs is showing up to your mother’s Labor Day BBQ, scarfing down about six wrinkly dogs in a row, getting mustard all over our T-shirt, then going inside for a nap.
But these west coast dogs are a different animal. You really get a full meal with just one. They come with about a dozen different toppings. And for the mostly Latino immigrants who sling them fresh off the grill outside bars and shows, they really bring home the bacon for working class families. All to say, the SF bacon-wrapped hot dog has earned my respect.
Scolari’s is made with local Niman Ranch beef, which claims to be sustainable and humanely raised. Who gives a shit, it’s a hot dog! More pandering to the Marin Moms (though it does taste good, too).
The last thing I’ll mention is the garlic fries, which were scrum-diddly-umptious! I mean you can’t really fuck up garlic fries, and $14 for a plate is a lot. But did they slap? Yes. And does my partner, a Bay Area local of almost 10 years, repeatedly scold me for using the word “slap” for food, because allegedly people don’t say that here? Also yes.
FINAL THOUGHTS
All things considered, Scolari’s definitely makes the best TEC in the Bay. But as far as I know, this is also the only TEC in the Bay, so take it for what you will. Real talk though, it’s a damn good sando that will definitely satisfy your cravings for a Jersey breakfast sandwich.
As previously stated, the place is definitely Californified. I went in for a breakfast sandwich and somehow spent north of $60. Ouch! But given the high quality of the food, the local ingredients, and the fantastic partnership with Alameda Soda Company (free refills!), I can say with confidence that Scolari’s is worth the trip.
WEST COAST: 9
EAST COAST: 7.5
Damn, we’ve been kind of on a roll with the positive reviews lately… Gotta find some places to shame real quick, be back soon!
P.S. for my dad and dad-adjacent subscribers, I know I promised a bonus post on the Chowder Barge/Mutiny on the Bounty boat saga. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgot! I’ll get to it soon, I promise ;)