Monticello Bagel Bakery

One of the best bagels in NY is from Upstate

That’s right, we are back in New York, baby! And I am scarfing bagels like the world is ending.

Because, that’s what’s happening, right?

Fascism is on the rise, unidentified car-sized drones are flying over New Jersey, and I might have to start paying back my student loans, too.

But it’s the holidays, so whadd’ya say we get grateful for a sec. At this very moment, I am cozied up by the fireplace at my parents new house in Warwick, New York, eating a delicious salt bagel with lox and cream cheese, spending my free time writing a blog about bagels. Does it get much better than this?

Maybe that blew right past you, but for me, typing the word “New York” is a big deal. This blog is going public with the fact that my family no longer lives in New Jersey. My parents got fed up with the neighbors peering over their fence and decided to buy a farm in the countryside.

Moving out of New Jersey was one of the hardest things we’ve ever done as a family. Even though we barely moved at all. My parents chose the first town over the New York border to settle down.

Real talk, I could whiz a bagel from our front yard like a frisbee and it would land back in Jersey.

But, technically speaking, we are New Yorkers now. To get even more technical, we live in *Upstate* (even though Warwick literally hugs the Jersey border). Those arrogant city dwellers have such an iron grip on New York identity that everything north of the Bronx gets lumped into “upstate,” which doesn’t get the same respect as the “real” New York.

It usually goes something like this.

“Where ya from, pal?”

“I’m from New York!”

“What borough?”

*sheepishly looks down at shoes* “Oh, I live upstate.”

“You ain’t a New Yorker! Get the fuck outta here!!!”

So on and so forth.

Maybe I’ve lived in California for too long, but the New York arrogance is beginning to drag on me. Don’t get me wrong, I love the city, but is it really the greatest place on earth? Do we all really believe that? Or are New Yorkers just so committed to the collective suffering of congestion and dreary winters and insane rent prices that they tell themselves they’re the greatest in order to not lose it entirely.

Not gonna lie, that’s what I been thinkin’ lately.

Then I saw that health insurance CEO get blasted in broad daylight to a standing ovation and I thought to myself, “Ok, yeah, this probably is the greatest city in the world.”

I’m not saying we should all go out and shoot someone. But if you’re personally for policies that deny life-saving coverage to tens of thousands of Americans, and you’re making a killing doing it, maybe you outta get whacked!

That guy gave us all a little hope, just in time for the holidays.

You know what else gives me hope? Monticello Bagel Bakery in downtown Monticello, NY.

It was on the way home to Warwick from my friend’s cabin in the Catskills that we passed through Monticello. Accompanying me were three college friends: a southern gentleman from Atlanta, a jabroni from South Jersey, and a New York Jew who grew up in San Diego. This last guy’s parents actually opened up the very first bagel shop in San Diego back in the 90s, and for this epic accomplishment they were included in a coffee table book titled “Famous San Diegans.” Can you believe Californias are so desperate that in a state famous for celebrities, it’s the couple who starts the bagel shop that’s considered famous!?

Together, we represent a sizable cross section of tastes and background. And we generally agreed: this place is one of the best bagel shops in New York.

You might find that surprising, considering it’s located in the dreary post-industrial town of Monticello, in that derided category of “upstate.” But Monticello should be proud. Because their hometown bagel shop is better than three quarters of the bagel shops you find in Manhattan.

First of all, just look at this abundance.

This was at 1pm, no less. In Oakland, they would be sold out by this time, and somehow be proud of that fact! Monticello’s baskets are literally overflowing with fresh bagels. I personally witnessed a guy come out with a sheet of em fresh out the oven and dump em in the basket, not once, but twice during the time I was waiting in line.

There was a good healthy line at this place when we showed up, but they had like 12 kids behind the counter, and these kids were hustling, so it moved quick.

I was pleased to observe the wide rows of drink coolers featuring all the staples: Tropicana orange juice, Nesquick, and homemade cream cheese to name a few.

I finally got to the front, and couldn’t stop ogling at these baskets.

They make 15 different flavors of bagels here. But the magic doesn't stop there. They also make mini bagels, bagel sticks, flagels (flat bagels), holiday bagels (died red with food coloring), muffins, crumb cake, cookies, and bagel chips (gotta do something with the day-olds).

This is the kind of abundance I’m looking for. In California, they offer like five different flavors and charge $10 a bagel and they’re so goddamn smug about it. But here in Monticello, a town that has basically nothing going on (no offense!), the bagel shop has hundreds of bagels of all shapes, flavors, and sizes and every single one of them is fresh.

I opted for a Taylor ham, egg & cheese on an everything (saltpepperketchup) NOT toasted, plus a dozen bagels to bring home to the family. Along with two containers of cream cheese and a local organic chocolate milk, this came out to $39. The dozen costs $20, a tad more than most dozens on the east coast, but $10 cheaper than California. And they always do a baker’s dozen so you get thirteen.

The egg sandwich was perfectly cooked, with four ultra crispy slices of Taylor ham, two eggs overeasy (with the yolks broken), melted American cheese and steam pouring out the middle.

But the bagel itself stole the show. This thing was perfectly soft and doughy on the inside, with just the right crisp on the outside. When you squeeze the sandwich, you can feel a satisfying squish. It’s really hard to describe with words, but if you know, you know.

The seeds on top were large and chunky, giving a nice crunch factor. The size was also spot on - slightly smaller than New Jersey bagels, which are as big as your face, but a good deal bigger than anything you’ll get in California, where I once sent a photo of a bagel to a Jersey friend who responded, “What are those, bagels for ants!?”

The only complaint I heard was from Noah, my Jewish friend from San Diego, who complained that his flagel didn’t have enough seeds on it. But who orders a flagel? Get over yourself.

Also to note: they had kind of a steampunk theme going on. On the west coast, I find steampunk extremely cringe. Mainly because of its association with burning man. But here in post-industrial Monticello, where there actually used to be a lot of factories, it kind of works.

And this shop has a real history behind it. It was founded in 1967 by Ann Fleischman and her husband Edward, who was a member of the New York City bagel union. Yeah, you read that right, New York had a union for bagel makers! We should totally bring that back. Solidarity, baby.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Monticello Bagel Bakery makes some of the best bagels I’ve ever tasted, and I don’t say that lightly. This place is a genuine historical institution that is cherished by the local community. Their bagels are extremely fresh, delicious, and affordable. They’re so good they can get away with steampunk without pissing me off.

WEST COAST: 10+++++

EAST COAST: 10