Lee's Donuts
An ode to the local donut shop, one of the few things California gets right.
Walking my precious dog June Bug around Oakland last Friday morning, I was stricken with the dreadful pangs of a caffeine headache. I had run out of coffee beans at home and it was approaching 12pm, which - while still the morning for a person like me - is a disastrous hour to have not drank any coffee. So I wandered into a place called Burlap to alleviate my suffering. I achieved my aims without much to report on, but by the time I sipped the last drop I was struck with another sort of pain: hunger. With a shock I realized I had yet to eat a single thing all day. Ugh, the task of feeding this human body day in and day is such a chore, isn’t it?
A glance at Burlap’s menu revealed several egg sandwich options, all of them costing around $9 and nearly guaranteed to disappoint. In the introduction to this blog I claimed that a lot of my reviews would be negative, because eating things like egg sandwiches in California can be a profoundly negative experience. But the lived reality of reviewing bad food is as dreadful as it sounds, and I could not bring myself to savage yet another coffee shop for its pathetic attempts to recreate an east coast classic.
You’ve been spared for now, Burlap.
Standing there on the sidewalk, paralyzed with hunger, I let my gaze wander across MacArthur Avenue where I perceived a classic neighborhood standby known as Lee’s Donuts, a place so local that I cannot find a website to hyperlink. Actually, there are four Lee’s Donuts in Oakland, but the one I am speaking about is on Telegraph Avenue and MacArthur.
I’d like to take a moment here to share my appreciation for one of the greatest cultural institutions in California: the local donut shop. When I first arrived in Los Angeles about five years ago, after a very long drive west from New Jersey, I was at first shocked and then overwhelmed with joy to discover that local mom & pop donut shops still exist in California. It was like finding a Blockbuster still in business or something.
Back east, these delightful neighborhood institutions are like white rhinos on the Serengeti, woefully going extinct due to the encroachment of vacuous corporations like Dunkin’ Donuts and (to a much lesser degree) Krispy Kreme.
I’m gonna go ahead and share something that I’ve been holding inside for a long time. It’s a take that is sure to enrage my abrasive cousins to the north, those Bostonians who so cherish the sugary creamy ritual of corporate coffee. But if Bostonians can appreciate anything, it’s starting a good argument. So here goes:
FUCK DUNKIES.
Seriously, their donuts have no flavor and always leave a greasy smear of vegetable shortening on the roof of my mouth. Their coffee is and always will be absolute trash. If you’re a fan, the only thing you like about it is that they serve iced coffee in massive 30-ounce soda cups that are literally shoveled with so much white sugar and cream that it makes your dentist cry.
You ever seen their iced coffee without cream? It’s literally translucent and looks like dehydrated raver piss.
New England is normally a bastion of working class solidarity, but they have inexplicably fallen under the spell of this soulless corporation, to the point that it’s become a genuine part of their cultural heritage and literally no one questions it. Don’t believe me? Search tik tok for “Dunkies Massachusetts” and you’ll get a sense of how big of a problem this has become.
Dunkin’ Donuts is an absolute disgrace and you can tell them I said that. Which, to bring us back on track here, is why I so cherish and appreciate the fact that authentic, locally owned donut shops are still a thing in California. A true asshole from Jersey gives credit where credit is due, so bravo guys, great job keeping them alive.
The other dope thing about donut shops in California is they basically serve as bodegas. In addition to fresh donuts and coffee, you can buy cigarettes, lottery tickets, Cup Noodles and rolling papers all under the same roof. Most of the bodegas in my particular neighborhood of Oakland are pretty sad in the sense that they serve no hot food and the shelves always seem just barely stocked. But my local donut shop on the other hand is a thriving neighborhood hub of working class people sharing meals and conversation and just being together in community.
Lee’s Donuts on Telegraph Avenue is no exception. The space is barely 12’ X 20’ with three booths, two of which were occupied when I arrived. Behind the counter, a middle aged man sporting a green Oakland A’s jersey and matching baseball cap was hustling to serve the nearly constant stream of customers coming and going.
To my fellow east coasters who have just recently moved to California, I offer this advice. If you’re looking for a down and dirty cheapo breakfast sandwich, get a bacon, egg and cheese on a croissant from your local donut shop. It is THE closest thing you can get to the real deal. No, it’s not on a kaiser roll, but this is the best approximation of a classic bodega breakfast sandwich that I’ve found in California. It’s cheap, it’s reliable, and in its own special way, it is quite good.
However, they will sometimes try to put mayonnaise or mustard on it, which is absolutely fucking disgusting. Some donut shop purveyors may even have the audacity to slap some lettuce and tomato on there. Be sure to specifically tell them not to do this. Without instructions, they might absolutely ravage your sandwich. Or they might get it right first try, it’s really a shot in the dark.
I ordered a ham, egg and cheese on a croissant ($6), because weirdly Lee’s does not serve bacon, which they should. But most other donut shops do, so this is not a blanket criticism of the donut shop egg sammy. I also made sure to ask for ketchup and hot sauce but no other condiments.
In addition I ordered a small coffee ($2), which I prepared at the self-serve coffee station next to a bountiful-looking donut counter. For a full rundown on the cultural importance of the mediocre self-serve coffee station, check out my review of Berkeley Bagels from a few weeks back.
My first coffee of the day is always black, but I like to designate my second coffee as my dessert coffee, which I take with cream and sugar (a normal human amount, not buckets full like those disgusting Dunkies-loving animals from New England).
My croissant-wich came out in five minutes flat, served humbly in a simple wax baggie. I sat down at a booth to make way for some very eager lottery ticket buyers, and quickly got down to business.
The first thing you’ll notice about these peculiar egg sandos is they come supremely melty. The white American cheese was just oozing out the sides in a very sexual way. The egg was fried (or possibly even microwaved) over-medium to perfection. If I had to describe the entire affair in one word, it would be “soft.” The butteriness of the croissant combined with the melted cheese and succulent ham makes for a very tasty egg sandwich experience that for $6 will mostly likely trounce the $9 coffee shop offering from across the street. Admittedly, I haven’t compared Lee’s to Burlap side to side, but I have had the displeasure of tasting a lot of overpriced coffee shop egg sandos, so trust the Jersey Boy intuition here.
One final note I’ll offer is this: there is a very silly sort of fanciness to the whole affair. Think about it… ham and cheese croissants are actually a delicacy perfected in the hoity-toity world French boulangeries. So sitting in a plastic booth next to a lottery machine, underneath a print of Angkor Wat, being served a ham, egg and cheese on a fresh croissant from an Asian man in an Oakland A’s jersey, who runs a donut shop in a filthy strip mall in West Oakland, is an absolutely charming clash of cultures that leaves me feeling a deep appreciation for my home city.
Final Thoughts
The ham, egg and cheese croissant-wich served at Lee’s Donuts - while far from being the best egg sandwich you’ll ever taste - is actually a very good approximation of the quick and dirty bodega breakfast sandwich us east coasters cherish so much. It’s cheap, fast and satisfying. You can reliably find this offering at your local neighborhood donut shop, which if you aren’t already patronizing, you fuckin’ up.
Final Review
West Coast: 8
East Coast: 6
p.s. Fuck Dunkies. Let’s fight about it.