The platonic ideal of a bacon, egg & cheese, prepared by Court Street Bagels in Brooklyn.
Welcome to Jersey Boy Eats, a food blog written by a professional journalist from New Jersey who (against his better judgement) has decided to start a food blog with the sole purpose of writing mostly savage reviews of East Coast comfort food in California. Why? Because I just can’t take it anymore.
This blog is a safe space for East Coast transplants living in California to complain, gripe, rant, and (very rarely) rave about California’s take on bagels, pizza, diners, and delis. Because everyone gets a little homesick once in a while. And during our weaker moments, many of us have made the mistake of trying to soothe our souls by seeking out the food that brought us comfort back home. I’m talking fresh bagels with cream cheese, or a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato and fries at your favorite diner, or a hot slice of thin crust pizza, or a nice pastrami sandwich on rye… you get the idea.
And so many of us have had the following experience: you’re walking down the street in San Francisco or Oakland or Los Angeles, and a storefront catches your eye. “New York Bagels,” it proudly proclaims. Your brain knows it’s going to be trash. But your heart yearns for the taste of home, so you try it anyway. Big mistake. The lines, the prices, the taste, the entire experience leaves you crestfallen… nay, heartbroken. Because let’s face it California pizza and bagels are absolute trash 95% of the time!
And that’s ok. Most of us moved here for a reason. The sunshine, the nature, the freedom of expression, the social safety net that very nearly approaches first-world status… There are so many things to love about living in California. And most of the food here is top notch. The ramen, Thai, and sushi is world class. The street tacos are second to none outside of Mexico. The farm-to-table freshness of “California Cuisine” has transformed modern dining as we know it.
Californians get a lot of things right. But they’re also so damn smug about it that someone needs to knock ‘em down a peg. And that’s where I come in.
Who am I? In my daily life, I’m a professional journalist, reporter, and audio producer. I’ve published radio stories with NPR, WNYC, Marketplace, and many other respectable media outlets. I even successfully launched my own 10-episode narrative true-crime podcast. It’s called The Emerald Triangle, and I’d love for you to check it out sometime. But the Sam who did all that, he’s a pretty serious guy. Journalism tends to have that effect on people.
There’s another side of me who has lived dormant for far too long. And that side is the pugnacious, shit-talking Jersey Boy who lives deep inside my heart. For three long years, he’s been stifled by the conflict avoidant expectations of his California peers. No longer! I’m letting the Jersey Boy off the leash, and you get a front row seat.
I’ve taken it upon myself to poke a hole in this bastion of self-righteousness by telling it like it is. California’s take on East Coast comfort food is absolute trash and I damn sure know I’m not the only one out there who feels this way.
So let’s get started. The plan is to primarily review bagel shops, pizza parlors, diners and delis in my home city of Oakland. At times I will venture across the Bay Bridge to San Francisco, and occasionally down to Los Angeles, to seek out any food establishment that claims to proffer East Coast comfort food, and take them to task with honest and thorough reviews of their food and the overall dining experience. We’re talking service, price, location, quality, the works. By definition, this blog will consist of mostly bad reviews. Got a problem with that? Go somewhere else. There’s plenty of food blogs out there.
But if and when I find a place that is legit, I will absolutely sing their praises from the rooftops. We’re not just here to shame, ok? But the places that deserve praise tend to be few and far between.
Point is, this blog is not a place for Californians to celebrate how great they are. If you were born and raised here, you will probably hate this blog. That means I’m doing my job.
But if you’re looking for realness, we’ve got it by the dozen. I promise to be fair, funny, and most importantly, straightforward with my readers. In doing so, I hope to free the Jersey Boy in your heart. So come with me on this journey. Together, we’ll complain away the pain of being so very far from home. And maybe… just maybe… if we try hard enough, we’ll find some East Coast comfort food that actually doesn’t suck.