Calic Bagels
The most overhyped bagel in LA.
I recently trekked out to the Koreatown neighborhood of Los Angeles to sample the latest in California food trends: Calic Bagels. Maybe you’ve seen them in your social media feed. Tik Toks like this one depicting their signature “stuffed bagel” have gone viral, prompting long lines and a big sign outside making bold claims like this:
Of course, the crack journalists here at Jersey Boy Eats see through this thinly vailed scarcity for what it is: a carefully calculated Hollywood hype machine designed to keep lines long, demand up, and profits rolling.
You see, here in California, bagel shops have yet to crack the code of baking enough bagels to sell all day long. They tend to bake only a handful every morning, leaving their bagel baskets pathetically empty like so…
Perhaps unsurpringsly, Calic only makes four flavors, everything, sesame, plain, and jalapeño cheddar. A discerning bagelista like myself scoffs at such skimpy offerings. But here in Los Angeles, the scarcity is part of the marketing. You see, if they made enough to sell all day long, the lines wouldn’t be so long, the hype would die down, and Calic’s viral moment would be over.
I arrived with a friend around 11:30am on a Thursday morning and contrary to the signs, there were in fact stuffed bagels left to sample. We arrived at the front of the line and we were greeted by a very friendly employee. But when I attempted to order a bagel, he promptly directed me to an oversized touch screen. You know what I’m about to say next.
Man, fuck a touch screen. There’s nothing I hate more than being deprived of the simple pleasures of genuine human interaction. The only thing worse than a touch screen is when they make you order on your phone. What a vibe killer.
After giving the employee a dramatic eyeroll, I turned to their fancy screen and punched in my order for a “signature calic” which is a plain bagel cut circle-wise like a pizza pie, then toasted and stuffed with cream cheese, then slathered in garlic butter. They’re charging a whopping $8 for this menu item.
If you’re feeling crazy, you can also order this menu item in habanero or pizza flavor. Weird.
Next, I asked if I could order an everything bagel, un-toasted, with plain cream cheese. Longtime readers will know this is always the control in my experiment - a great indicator of whether a potential bagelry is up to snuff.
I was promptly informed that trendy pants Calic doesn’t offer this most basic of menu items. Instead of one bagel, they will only sell you two at a time. I’m serious, look at their menu!
Raising my concerns with the staff, I was informed this is because their schmear cups are sized for two bagels. How you gonna sell two to four bagels at a time when you only make four flavors? And one of them isn’t even a real flavor (looking at you jalapeño cheddar!)
God forbid you want a dozen bagels - Calic will charge you an absolutely criminal $54. That’s $4.50 per bagel! Does anyone have a good laywer? Because I’m gonna sue this joint for highway robbery.
I’d also like to point out they don’t offer a discount for ordering a dozen (except for the obligatory extra bagel you get free with a baker’s dozen). These bagels are priced at $4.50 PER BAGEL. And that number is the same whether you order two or two dozen. I’m sure they try to rationalize it with all the different schmears you can get.
You see dear readers, Calic identifies itself as “LA Style” bagels, a style I shouldn’t need to remind you literally does not exist. They just made it up. Their “bagel culture” - an offensive use of the word culture btw - is all about “rip and rip.” This means they don’t put the cream cheese on the bagel, they make you do it yourself at the table, like at Starbucks.
Dear Lord, fill me with your Holy Spirit, so that I may have the self-control and patience to handle my anger during difficult situations like this without making a total scene.
Amen.
So here’s how it works. The cream cheese at Calic comes in little cups and they make a bunch of fancy flavors. This is actually a selling point for them, the fact that they make their own cream cheese. You know who else does? EVERY BAGEL PLACE ON THE EAST COAST.
Let me reiterate: there is absolutely nothing special about offering multiple cream cheese varieties. Lox, strawberry, blueberry, scallion… these are all staples of the bagel world. But Calic over here wants a trophy for offering some basic flavors and packaging them in 4 oz cups that cost $3-5 each.
What a racket.
I ordered two bagels with a schmear - everything and sesame, with plain cream cheese. With the signature Calic, my total came to $18.61. I almost had a conniption!
We took a seat on the outside patio and giggled at the extremely cheesy lite rock music that was wafting through the airwaves.
The signature Calic came out first and I won’t lie, it looks very enticing. We tore into this warm garlicky morsel with gusto. It came apart like a hot pretzel.
The flavor is quite good, although I wouldn’t really call this a bagel. It’s soft on the outside, and very doughy and steamy on the inside. The consistency is much more akin to a garlic knot than a bagel. The cream cheese they squirt in there is also much sweeter than you might expect.
I’ll give them this: it’s truly a one of a kind dish. I haven’t tasted anything quite like it before.
Overall, I like the signature Calic. Actually, I like it a lot. But I would not label it a “bagel.” I also think the stuffing is too sweet. But my dining partner disagreed, claiming they enjoyed the sweetness of the cream cheese contrasting with the salty garlic butter on top. I guess we’ll call it a draw.
Next up, the two bagels with schmear. These came unwrapped in a simple brown paper bag, along with a small cup of cream cheese that came with two tiny wooden spoons that gave me total flashbacks to getting those little ice cream cups from the ice cream man when you’re a kid.
Okay, let’s try out this whole rip and dip scenario. I tear a piece off the everything and dunk it into the cup, pulling out a big gob of cream cheese. Right off the bat, I can see why this method might be appealing. It allows you to customize your bagel eating experience with a perfect cream cheese to bagel ratio that matches your desire for each bite.
But then it occurred to me that this is simply another way of outsourcing more labor to the customers. Just like those awful touch screens or self checkout lines at the grocery store, “rip and dip” allows Calic to completely bypass the manual labor of slicing and schmearing a bagel, while simultaneously giving them an excuse to upcharge for the novelty.
The result is less work and more profit for Calic. Very clever indeed.
And now, the million dollar question. How is the bagel itself?
The answer is… very good. This bagel is crispy on the outside, super chewy on the inside, with a dense mouthfeel and a yeasty richness of flavor that is among the best bagels I’ve tried in California. I will say it was a bit overdone. The outside was very dark brown and the sesames were nearly roasted to a crisp. But I stand by my initial impression: this is in fact a very tasty bagel.
For its part, the sesame was equally as high quality as the everything. Both were a bit on the small side, but for a California bagel, the flavor and texture is very solid.
Shame they need to ruin the experience with all of the aforementioned nonsense.
Speaking of nonsense, get a load of this gift shop. Just like their brother-in-arms to the north, Daily Driver, Calic is trying to offer you “an experience” by selling overpriced cans of tomatoes and fancy hot sauces. Oy vey.
FINAL THOUGHTS
If you’re into food trends or were born and raised in Los Angeles, you will probably love Calic bagels. If you’re from the East Coast, this place will trigger a massive eyeroll. I pretty much despise everything about this business, except its actual bagels. I know that sounds insane, but it’s the truth! At Calic, you’ve got to deal with bagel scarcity, astronomical prices, and a fuss-factor that is through the roof. But if you can get past all of that and don’t mind dropping $4.50 on a bagel you need to schmear yourself, you will be pleased with the quality of Calic Bagels.
When I take all factors into consideration, Calic Bagels recieves the following score.
WEST COAST: 7
EAST COAST: 3
P.S. I heard a rumor they have a pizza kitchen in the works. You can bet your ass this Jersey Boy will be taking them to task on that too when it’s open!
